Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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