god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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