update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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