She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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