I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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