I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
