well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
