Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
