Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize