i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
