I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
