I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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