I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
