haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
