I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
