we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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