I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
