a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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