Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
