I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
