Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
