Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
