weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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