Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
