C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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