Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
