Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
