my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
