did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize