why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
