dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I understand Curling. That high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What a dumb baby whore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
