i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
