I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found the puke drawer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
