I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
