Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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