how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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