dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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