Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
