Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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