he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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