11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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