hotel room ftw
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
