I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize