I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
