have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
