I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
