I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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