I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
