Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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