: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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