first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
