I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
