My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
