He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
