apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
