My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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