This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize