i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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