Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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